Dear Emil Steilsson
by TinosSaunas
Summary: This is LOOSELY based off of the musical, Dear Evan Hansen. The only thing in commen really are some short sections and trees. I will place a trigger warning on this story. Please keep this in mind before reading. Expect OOC and some terrible writing. (Iceland centric fic)
1. chapter 1

Note: I don't own rights to Dear Evan Hansen or Hetalia. OOC characters.

" Have you been writing those letters to yourself? Dear Emil Steilsson, today's going to be a good day and here's why, " Emil's mother asked him. "I started one," Emil responded truthfully."Those letters are going to help you. They're going to help build your confidence," she told the sixteen year old. "I guess," he said, in a rather resigned tone. "It's okay, can't we just have an optimistic outlook though? It wouldn't hurt," his mother said. Ásla Steilsson was a part-time nurse who subsequently went to law school at night. His mother being divorced, Emil switched from household to household every week. Glad he was at his mom's house. "Mom, I'm leaving!" Emil called from the bottom of the stairs. "Have a good day!" She answered back.

In a different house, the sequence of events before school were much different.

"Li Xiao Chun! Nî méiyôu còguò dì yī tiān!" Li Xiao or Leon was getting berated from his oldest brother for waking up late. "Yeah whatever Yao," Leon told the distressed Asian. "It's the first day Leon. Also we're leaving, so hurry up," his older brother, Kiku reminded the teenager. Kiku had already graduated, but drove the younger ones to school before heading to class. Driving up to the building, Leon and his other siblings got out. He had five other siblings. two girls and three brothers. Yao already graduated college, taking most of the adult responsibility. Going to school was _not_ Leon's favourite thing to do. Grumbling, he walked into the building not noticing the pale student in front of him. Of course he had to run into him. _Just great._ Leon thought. _Not an ideal way to start off this shitty year._ The boy he had run into had very unique features. Pale blond-silverish hair and violet eyes. Not wanting to make this any more awkward, Leon mumbled a half-hearted apology and helped him up. Walking a bit faster, Leon thought about the student. _What was his name again? That's right, Emil Steilsson. Didn't his brother Lukas Bondevik go here too?_ Leon had no clue why Emil was of his concern anyways. As a very shy person, Emil had practically no friends. No one really knew much about him except that his brother was very successful. Leon checked his phone, the bell would ring in two minutes. At least his first and favourite class, world history was first.

After first period, the day flew by. Soon lunch had already come around. Leon and his siblings just had to have the same lunch period. _Great._ As he was walking into the loud and slightly chaotic room, his eyes flickered past a certain violet eyed person. Im Yong Soo was already yelling his name, Leon kept walking.

Emil sat at an abandoned lunch table, just sitting there. Not eating his lunch, thinking. _Would anyone honestly notice if I disappeared? Does anyone care? No. I'm such a burden to everyone. Even Lukas doesn't contact me._ _It's like I'm waving through a window. But would anyone be waving back?_ Emil pulled himself out of his depressing thoughts to notice his surroundings. Too many voices, too many people. He suddenly stood up, walking over to the trash cans and dumped his tray. Heading over to the computer lab, Emil felt like he needed to write. Sitting himself down at one of the schools' computers, Emil seemingly ignored the amber eyed figure across the room. Feeling ridiculous, Emil just started typing.

 _If you're falling in a forest and there's nobody around, do you ever really crash or even make a sound. Will I ever make a sound? Did I even make a sound. Its like I've never made a sound. Will I ever make a sound. Cause when you're always on the outside, when you're always looking in, can you really be more than you've always been. Because I've learned to slam on the break, before I even turn the key. Before I make the mistake, before I lead with the worst of me. I'll never let them see the worst of me. I'm waving through a window._

After typing, Emil had ment to click 'delete' but being the person that he is clicked 'print' out of all the fucking buttons. Emil shot up, speed walking tword the printer. Hoping no one would see the paper. Unluckily for him, that the amber eyed someone was sitting right by the printer. "Um, could.. could you give that back?" Emil stuttered out. Communication was his enemy, that being very obvious since a very young age. The figure remained silent, reading the paper. Emil cringed on the inside, never liking it when people saw something personal. "What is this?" The person asked, much to Emil's horror. "Well, ah, that's for uh, something for a class..?" Emil inwardly slapped himself, did he really just end it as a question. The teen was about to answer, but coincidentally the warning bell rang, signaling that both boys had to go to class. Emil was about to say something to the retrevier of the paper, except that he wasn't there. _God no, that was Leon. A somewhat popular student, even though mouthing off to teachers seemed to be a hobby of his._ Emil's anxiety carried on for the rest of the day, but diminished slightly when he got home. His mother was at work and wouldn't come home untill late at night, so Emil was left in blissful silence.

Leon felt pretty guilty for keeping the paper he'd taken from Emil. He had questions and wanted answers. Not like he was going to get any. When Leon arrived home, he walked into his room and set his backpack on his bed. Reaching into it, he pulled out the paper and reread it. Unsure of what to make of it, Leon set it on top of his desk.

A/N: I hope you enjoyed the first chapter of 'Dear Emil Steilsson'. _Very_ creative title I know, *insert sarcasm*. See what I mean, this follows practically nothing of the musical's plot. Apologies of OOC characters. Emil's father will be introduced later. Thanks for reading!

Translations:

Nî méiyôu còguò dì yī tiān!- You are not missing the first day! (Traditional Chinese)

Please correct me if I'm wrong on any translations. Thanks again!


	2. When You're Falling in a Forrest

I dont own Hetalia, belongs to Hidekaz Himaruya. I will put a TW on this chapter, suicide attempt.

Leon couldn't stop thinking about Emil. Rather odd, since there were many more things he could have been thinking of. The quiet boy just couldn't get out of his head. _Argh!_ Leon internally thought, it was almost midnight and Emil's face wouldn't go away. He wondered if Emil was still wondering what he was going to do with the paper. It's not like Leon was going to do anything bad. The earlier confrontation seemed to shake Emil up pretty bad. Leon stopped wondering and fell asleep.

On the other hand, Emil's anxiety only seemed to worsen. Beginning the next day sleep deprived was a terrible idea, but Emil let insomnia win. Going back to school was the last thing he wanted to do. He _could_ always fake being sick, but his mother could tell. Reluctently getting out of bed, Emil stretched hearing his back crack. Throwing on his usual outfit, an oversized sweater and black jeans, Emil stepped out of his room. Insted of seeing his mother in the kitchen, there was a note

left on the counter. It read:

 _Good morning Emil, I'm sorry that I can't be here. There was a call that needed me. Have a good day and don't forget to take your medicine. Love, mom._

Emil sighed at the mention of his meds. Taking antidepressants was not something Emil liked to announce to the world. And guess fucking what, they don't even help. Emil didn't really have the heart to tell his mom that. Knowing she was trying hard at the hospital and going to school. Ignoring what the note told him, Emil grabbed his bag and left through the front door. He didn't plan on entering the school building in the first place, but had another place in mind. Getting there was quite simple, Emil had been going to this place for a while. It was an old abandoned orchard. No-one else ever came there so Emil could sit in silence. Alone, but not lonely. _That's a lie._ Emil's brain told him. _You want someone to notice. To actually know._ Letting his thoughts get the better of him, Emil ended up dead in his tracks. The orchard was close enough for him to walk to, but is secluded enough. Next to a usually empty back road. At his arrival, Emil set his school bag on the ground next to one of the tallest trees. Trees had always been an intrest for Emil. He never really knew why though. Climbing one branch to another came at ease for him. Emil found the orchard when he was fourteen, but started going there at age fifteen. Climbing higher and higher, Emil could see so much of the surrounding landscape. He sat down on a branch, not thinking, just sitting. Some time must've passed, since Emil started to feel the chill of the breeze. Clouds overcame the sun, creating a very overcast look. Thinking back to the day before, he could only think about how he'd messed up that encounter with Leon. Emil sat up on the same branch for awhile untill he climbed higher and higher.

Leon, at school, felt weird. He couldn't concentrate or name the feeling. Feeling as if something was wrong, _missing._ Foreboding was his main emotion. He decided to leave during lunch period. All the lessons came in through one ear, amd out the other. Ignoring Lin Yi Ling's lecturing, Leon walked out of the building. Having both parents as medical doctors, allowed him to have a car at sixteen. Getting into his car and ignition took little time, leaving the parking lot. Leon didn't really have a clue where he was going to go. He couldn't go home for obvious reasons. Deciding to just drive around, Leon turned up his music, and started down a seemingly deserted road. Seeing nothing intresting, just trees and empty fields. Turning his head, he saw a large orchard, Leon turned onto the dry grass, trying to be quiet. Stepping out of the car, Leon started walking. Stopping at a tree that held a shadowy figure near the top. Leon silently stepped closer, and started to climb. Before reaching anywhere higher then eight feet, the figure stood up, seeming to get down and leave. Leon froze, not wanting to be seen. Insted of starting to climb down, the person was falling? Leon could see the inevitable, they were going to injure themselves. Leon scrambled out of the tree, hoping the person wasn't dead.

A/N: Whoever is reading currently might want to murder me, I apologise. I do not mean to offend anyone with this story, and if you have a problem, please stop reading. Here is when the DEH plot is thrown out the window. Thanks for reading!


	3. Did you Fall?

Leon climbed down from his point on the tree, wanting to check on the person. Deciding to jump the last few feet, Leon ran tword the figure laying on the ground. Seeing the person was unconcious and laying on their stomach, he decided to call an ambulance. Rolling the person onto their back, Leon could see the whitish hair and porcelain skin. "Emil?" Leon exclaimed, hearing the sirens of the ambulance. _Why was Emil here out of all people?_ Leon thought, moving out of the way of the paramedics. _I never thought he was the type to skip school. Maybe it was leftover anxiety from yesterday._ An emergency worker interrupted Leon's thoughts by saying, "Do you know him? And if so, what is your relation to him?" Leon _did_ know him so his first response was, "I know him, we're friends." Not wanting to say _no._ Knowing that Emil had no other friends. The worker thanked him and left in the ambulance. Leaving Leon standing at the orchard alone. Using logic was out of the question, making Leon drive to the hospital. Walking briskly inside, he went to the front desk and asked," I'm here for Emil Steilsson." The nurse there typed something on their computer and responded,"Emil is in stable condition. Family members are only allowed to visit him. Are you family?" Leon sighed,"No, I'm just a friend," he admitted, walking back to a chair. Suddenly a young man strode through the hospital doors and asked, "Where is Emil Steilsson? What happened?" Before the nurse could respond, Leon interrupted," He fell out of a tree." The blond man turned around, "Who are you, and how do you know?" _Oh so this is the famous Lukas Bondevik._ Leon thought. "I know because I saw it happen. I was there," he truthfully told Lukas. "And who are you?" Lukas repeated. "My name's Leon Wang, I'm a friend of Emil's," Leon kept saying they were friends, not wanting to tell Emil's older brother that Emil is friendless. Lukas turned around, seeming satisfied with that answer. Speking some more with the nuse, Lukas walked down a hallway. Checking his phone, Leon saw a bunch of texts from Yao. _One of them told Yao didn't they. I bet it was Im Yong Soo. What a prick._ Leon thought, wanting to slap his fifteen year old sibling. He stood up to leave before Lukas came out and motioned to him. "Emil wants to see you," Lukas told him in a rather monotone voice. Leon noddd and silently followed. Stopping in front of a door, Lukas knocked on the door and said, "Getur Leon komið inn núna?" There was some shuffling, "Já kom inn," the muffled response was. Opening the door, Leon stepped in. Lukas closed the door behimd him, leaving the two alone. Leon's eyes fickered to the thick white cast on Emil's left arm. There were a few bruises, but otherwise Emil looked rather fine for "falling" out of a tree. "So, you were there?" Emil tentatively asked. "Uh yeah?" Leon's only response was. "How long were you there?" Emil asked, wondering how long Leon had watched him. "Not long," Leon responded, not wanting Emil's anxiety to spike up again. Leon paused, "How'd you break your arm Emil, how'd you break your arm?" Emil turned away, " I fell, I lost my grip. I fell so..." the injured teen replied. " Did you fall? Or did you let go?" Leon quietly replied. Emil was at a loss for words, not wanting to admit that _yes,_ he let go. Leon turned on his heel, leaving Emil lost in his thoughts.

A/N: Thanks for reading! I apologise if this isn't accurate or if there are some inconsistencies. This seems like it happened a little too fast, I know but hopefully it'll make sense later.

Translations:

Getur Leon komið inn núna- Can Leon come in now (Icelandic)

Já kom inn- Yeah come in (Icelandic)

Please correct me if I am wrong with the translations!


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